Technology & Science & Computers

"A game is a series of interesting choices."

	-- Sid Meier

"No one ever said on their deathbed, 
 'Gee, I wish I had spent more time alone with my computer.'"

       -- Danielle Bunten Berry

"The only legitimate use of a computer is to play games."

	-- Eugene Jarvis

"Technology has met its promise of reducing our work 
 load.  It does this primarily by preventing us from 
 doing any work at all."

	-- Dilbert

"Of course, there's more to science than hurting
 animals, but frankly it's the part I like best."

	-- Dilbert

"We will encourage you to develop the three great
 virtues of a programmer: laziness, impatience, 
 and hubris."

	-- Larry Wall, Programming Perl, page xiv

"All parts should go together without forcing. 
 You must remember that the parts you are 
 reassembling were disassembled by you. Therefore,
 if you can't get them together again, there must 
 be a reason. By all means, do not use a hammer." 

        -- IBM maintenance manual, 1925.

"It would appear that we have reached the 
 limits of what it is possible to achieve
 with computer technology, although one
 should be careful with such statements,
 as they tend to sound pretty silly in 5

	-- John Von Neumann (ca. 1949)

"You should never say bad things about the dead, 
 you should only say good ... Joan Crawford is dead. 

"[Lillian Gish] ought to know about close-ups!
 Jesus, she was around when they invented them!"

        -- Bette Davis

"Look, Dave, I can see you're really upset about this.
 I honestly think you ought to sit down calmly, take a
 stress pill, and think things over."

	-- HAL to David Bowman, 2001: A Space Odyssey

"Gentlemen.  You can't fight in here.  This is the
 War Room!"

	-- President Merkin Muffley, Dr. Strangelove

"So, Lone Star, now you will see that evil
 will always triumph because good is dumb."
	-- Dark Helmet, Spaceballs

Penny Priddy: Buckaroo, you forgot your thruster.
Buckaroo Banzai: Why don't you hold onto it for a while?
Penny Priddy: Any time.

	-- Buckaroo Banzai

"The major difference between a thing that 
 might go wrong and a thing that cannot possibly 
 go wrong is that when a thing that cannot
 possibly go wrong goes wrong, it usually 
 turns out to be impossible to get at or repair." 

	-- Douglas Adams, Mostly Harmless 
	1952 - 2001 R.I.P.

"I've come up with a set of rules that 
 describe our reactions to technologies. 
 Anything that is in the world when you're 
 born is normal and ordinary and is just part 
 of the way the world works. Anything that's 
 invented between when you're fifteen and thirty five
 is new and exciting and revolutionary and you 
 can probably get a career in it. Anything invented 
 after you're thirty-five is against the 
 natural order of things."

        -- attributed to Douglas Adams

"I have given pleasure to the world because I have
 such a beautiful ass!"

        -- The Cat, Red Dwarf, Season V: The Inquisitor

"The sea was angry that day, my friends.  Like an old
 man trying to send back soup in a deli."

        -- George Louis Costanza, Seinfeld

 Alice came to a fork in the road. 
"Which road do I take?" she asked.
"Where do you want to go?" responded the Cheshire cat.
"I don't know," Alice answered.
"Then," said the cat, "it doesn't matter."

        -- Lewis Carroll, Alice In Wonderland

"Think about how dumb the average American is.
 Now realize that half of all Americans are
 dumber than that."

        -- Jeff Foxworthy (paraphrased)
	   Yes, I know the difference between
	   the average and the median -- this
	   is comedy, not statistics.

"Unlike reality, fiction has to make sense."

        -- Tom Clancy

"The three differences between American and 
 British people:

1) 'We speak English and you don't.'
2) 'When we hold a World Championship for a particular sport,
    we invite teams from other countries to play, as well.'
3) 'When you meet the head of state in Great Britain, you
    only have to go down on one knee.'"

        -- John Cleese

"We were doing drugs in the dressing room when suddenly the tour
 manager stuck his head round the door and said: 'The Police are here'.
 We all panicked and threw our drugs down the toilet. And then Sting,
 Andy Summers and Stuart Copeland walked in."

        -- Ronny Wood, Rolling Stones

"These CEOs, man ... If you're that ruthless, 
 you're a scary dude. I tell you, now when I walk 
 past a little gang banger, I don't even blink. 
 But if I see a white dude with a Wall Street Journal, 
 I haul ass. Before I walk past the Arthur Andersen 
 building, I cut through the projects.
 If you cut through the projects, 
 you may just lose what you have on you that day. 
 I ain't never been mugged of my whole future."

        -- Wanda Sykes

"Gun control? We need bullet control! I think every bullet should cost 
 five thousand dollars. Because if a bullet would cost five thousand 
 dollars, there would be no innocent bystanders."

        -- Chris Rock

"I'm not looking for anything.
 I think all men are dogs, I honestly do.
 Every man starts barking sooner or later." 

        -- Octavia St. Laurent (Paris is Burning)

"What do you mean he's unstoppable?
 You are superior to him in every way that counts.
 You are better trained, better equipped,
 you outnumber him at least 20 to 1.
 Do. Your. Job."

        -- Nicole Horn, Max Payne
Clever People
"The [San Francisco] Bay Area is the cradle of the computer and
 software industry, which continues to create jobs for our children.
 The iPod was not developed by Baptists in Waco. 
 There may be a reason for this. Creative people thrive in a climate 
 of openness and tolerance, since some great ideas start out
 sounding ridiculous. Creativity is a key to economic progress. 
 Authoritarianism is stifling. I don't believe that
 Mr. Hewlett and Mr. Packard were gay, but what's important is: 
 In San Francisco, it doesn't matter so much. 
 When the cultural Sturmbannfuhrers try to marshal everyone into
 straight lines, it has consequences for the 
 economic future of this country."

   -- Garrison Keillor
"It takes a fearless, unflinching love and deep humility
 to accept the universe as it is. The most effective way
 he knew to accomplish that, the most powerful tool at
 his disposal, was the scientific method, which over time
 winnows out deception. It can't give you absolute truth
 because science is a permanent evolution, always subject to
 revision, but it can give you successive approximations of

    -- Ann Druyan, on her late husband, Carl Sagan
"Do nothing,
 say nothing,
 and be nothing,
 and you'll never be criticized."

     -- Elbert Hubbard, John North Willys
"I have said that President Lincoln was a white man, and shared the 
prejudices common to his countrymen towards the colored race. Looking 
back to his times and to the condition of his country, we are compelled 
to admit that this unfriendly feeling on his part may be safely set down
as one element of his wonderful success in organizing the loyal 
American people for the tremendous conflict before them, and bringing 
them safely through that conflict. His great mission was to accomplish 
two things: first, to save his country from dismemberment and ruin; and,
second, to free his country from the great crime of slavery. To do one 
or the other, or both, he must have the earnest sympathy and the 
powerful cooperation of his loyal fellow-countrymen. Without this 
primary and essential condition to success his efforts must have been 
vain and utterly fruitless. Had he put the abolition of slavery before 
the salvation of the Union, he would have inevitably driven from him a 
powerful class of the American people and rendered resistance to 
rebellion impossible. Viewed from the genuine abolition ground, Mr. 
Lincoln seemed tardy, cold, dull, and indifferent; but measuring him by 
the sentiment of his country, a sentiment he was bound as a statesman to
consult, he was swift, zealous, radical, and determined."

       -- Frederick Douglass, reformer and statesman (1818-1895)

"Before you diagnose yourself with depression or
 low self-esteem, first make sure that you are not,
 in fact, just surrounded by assholes."

       -- William Gibson

"It is absurd to divide people into good and bad. 
 People are either charming or tedious."
        -- Oscar Wilde, Lady Windermere's Fan, 1892, Act I
           Irish dramatist, novelist, & poet (1854 - 1900)

"It is not what the man of science belives that distinguishes him,
 but how and why he believes it. His beliefs are tentative, not
 dogmatic; they are based on evidence, not on authority or intuition."
        --  Bertrand Russell (1872 - 1970)
            The History of Western Philosophy (1945, page 527)

"The whole problem with the world is that fools
 and fanatics are always so certain of themselves,
 and wiser people so full of doubts."

"A religious creed differs from a scientific theory
 in claiming to embody eternal and absolutely certain truth,
 whereas science is always tentative, expecting that 
 modification in its present theories will sooner or later
 be found necessary, and aware that its method is one which is
 logically incapable of arriving at a complete and final demonstration."

"The essence of the Liberal outlook lies not in what opinions
 are held, but in how they are held: instead of being held dogmatically,
 they are held tentatively, and with a consciousness that new evidence 
 may at any moment lead to their abandonment."

        -- Bertrand Russell (1872 - 1970)

"Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds. 
 The mediocre mind is incapable of understanding the man who refuses to bow 
 blindly to conventional prejudices and chooses instead to express his 
 opinions courageously and honestly."

       -- Albert Einstein, in a letter defending 
          the appointment of Bertrand Russell 
          to a teaching position (19 March 1940)

"Stupidity, outrage, vanity, cruelty, iniquity, bad faith, falsehood 
 -- we fail to see the whole array when it is facing in the same 
 direction as we."

        -- Jean Rostand, Pensées d'un Biologiste (1939)

"Ignorance more frequently begets confidence than does knowledge."

        -- Charles Darwin (1871). "The Descent of Man" Intro, p4

"Like an unchecked cancer, hate corrodes the personality and 
 eats away its vital unity. Hate destroys a man's sense of values 
 and his objectivity. It causes him to describe the beautiful as ugly 
 and the ugly as beautiful, and to confuse the true with the false, 
 and the false with the true."

        -- Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. (1929-1968)

"If a bullet should enter my brain, 
 let that bullet destroy every closet door."

        -- Harvey Milk, the first openly gay politician
           elected to office in the United States.  He
	   was shot in the head at point-blank range
           by supervisor Dan White on Nov 27, 1978.  
	   San Francisco Mayor George Moscone was also
	   murdered by Dan White on the same day.

"Government is the Entertainment Division of the 
 military-industrial complex."

"[the drug] Speed: It will turn you into your parents."

        -- Frank Zappa

"The law, in its majestic equality, 
 forbids the rich as well as the poor 
 to sleep under bridges, 
 to beg in the streets, 
 and to steal bread."

         -- Anatole France, The Red Lily, 1894, chapter 7

"Only when the last tree is cut, 
 only when the last river is polluted, 
 only when the last fish is caught, 
 will they realise that you can't eat money."

        -- Native American [Cree] proverb

"If we believe absurdities, we shall commit atrocities." 

        -- Voltaire (1694-1778)

 "It is difficult to get a man to understand something 
  when his salary depends upon his not understanding it."

        -- Upton Sinclair
"If you identify the country, the people, the culture with the rulers, 
 accept the totalitarian doctrine, then yeah, it's anti-Semitic to 
 criticize the Israeli policy, and anti-American to criticize the 
 American policy, and it was anti-Soviet when the dissidents criticized 
 Russian policy. You have to accept deeply totalitarian assumptions not 
 to laugh at this. If an Italian criticized Berlusconi and he was called 
 anti-Italian, the people would crack up with laughter, because there's 
 some kind of democratic culture. The fact we don't crack up with ridicule,
 that notion is anti-American or anti-Israel or anti-Semitic, it tells 
 us something about ourselves."
        -- Noam Chomsky, 10/21/04

"Art lives where absolute freedom is, because where it is not, 
 there can be no creativity. Art, in other words, is a 
 technique for acquiring liberty. Its effect is a deepening of 
 the personal dimension of the soul. All vague notions, 
 intolerence and ego must fall away until you are functioning 
 from the 'root' where one sees clearly, observing without 
 judging or comparing to what one has seen or known before. 
 When the mind is tethered to a center, naturally it is not 
 free. It can move only within the limits of that center. 
 When there is no center and no circumference,... 
 then there is truth." 

        -- Bruce Lee, 1971

"The tools of conquest do not necessarily come with bombs
 and explosives and fallout.  There are weapons that are
 simply thoughts, attitudes, and prejudices, to be found
 only in the minds of men.  For the record, prejudices can
 kill, and suspicion can destroy.  And a thoughtless, 
 frightened search for a scapegoat has a fallout all of its own."

 -- Rod Serling, "The Monsters Are Due on Maple Street"
    The Twilight Zone

"Enough for me the mystery of the eternity of life, 
 and the inkling of the marvelous structure of reality, 
 together with the single-hearted endeavour to comprehend 
 a portion, be it never so tiny, of the reason that 
 manifests itself in nature."

	-- Albert Einstein

"Only two things are infinite, the universe and 
 human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former."

        -- Albert Einstein

"If one advances confidently in the direction 
 of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life 
 which he has imagined, he will meet with a 
 success unexpected in common hours."

        -- Henry David Thoreau, Walden, 1854

"Quarrel not at all. No man resolved to make the 
 most of himself can spare time for personal contention. 
 Still less can he afford to take all the consequences, 
 including the vitiating of his temper and loss of self 
 control. Yield larger things to which you can show no 
 more than equal right; and yield lesser ones, though 
 clearly your own. Better give your path to a dog than be
 bitten by him in contesting for the right. Even killing 
 the dog would not cure the bite."

        -- Abraham Lincoln, Letter, 26 Oct. 1863.

"Those who would give up essential Liberty,
 to purchase a little temporary Safety,
 deserve neither Liberty nor Safety."

       -- Benjamin Franklin, 11 Nov. 1755.

"Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away."

       -- Philip K. Dick

"There has grown up in the minds of certain groups in this country the 
 notion that because a man or corporation has made a profit out of the 
 public for a number of years, the government and courts are charged 
 with the duty of guaranteeing such profit in the future, even in the 
 face of changing circumstances and contrary to public interest. This 
 strange doctrine is not supported by statute nor common law."

       -- Robert A. Heinlein

"On two subjects the overwhelming majority of people regarded their own 
 opinions as Absolute Truth, and sincerely believed that anyone who 
 disagreed with them was immoral, outrageous, sinful, sacrilegious, 
 offensive, intolerable, stupid, illogical, treasonable, actionable, 
 against the public interest, ridiculous, and obscene. The two subjects 
 were (of course) sex and religion."

       -- Robert A. Heinlein 

"Battle not with monsters lest ye become a monster,
 and if you gaze into the abyss, the abyss gazes into you."

       -- Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche (version 1)

"He who fights with monsters might take care lest he thereby become a 
 monster. And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes 
 also into you."

       -- Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche (version 2)

"Men never do evil so completely and cheerfully as when they do it 
 from religious conviction."

       -- Blaise Pascal

"The various modes of worship which prevailed in the Roman world
 we all considered by the people as equally true;
 by the philosopher as equally false;
 and by the magistrate as equally useful."

       -- Edward Gibbon,
          The History of the Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire
          Vol I, Ch II (published 1776)

"When stupidity is considered patriotism, it is unsafe to be intelligent."

       -- Isaac Asimov 

"Only the wisest and stupidest of men never change."

"Better a diamond with a flaw than a perfect pebble without."

       -- Confucius

"If you are depressed, you are living in the past.
 If you are anxious, you are living in the future.
 If you are at peace, you are living in the present."

      -- Lao Tzu

"My own mind is my church."

       -- Tom Paine

"In every country and in every age, the priest has been hostile to liberty.
 He is always in alliance with the despot, abetting his abuses in return for 
 protection to his own. It is easier to acquire wealth and power by this 
 combination than by deserving them, and to effect this, they have perverted
 the purest religion ever preached to man into mystery and jargon,
 unintelligible to all mankind, and therefore the safer engine 
 for their purposes."

       -- Thomas Jefferson
          Letter to Horatio G. Spafford
          March 17, 1814

 "Clothes make the man.
  Naked people have little or no influence on society."

       -- Mark Twain, More Maxims of Mark (1927)

"If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, 
 he will not bite you. This is the principal difference 
 between a dog and a man."

       -- Mark Twain (1835 - 1910)

"All truth passes through three stages. 
 First, it is ridiculed. 
 Second, it is violently opposed. 
 Third, it is accepted as being self-evident."

"Talent hits a target no one else can hit; 
 Genius hits a target no one else can see."

"Money is human happiness in the abstract; 
 he, then, who is no longer capable of enjoying 
 human happiness in the concrete devotes 
 himself utterly to money."

"They tell us that suicide is the greatest piece of cowardice... 
 that suicide is wrong; when it is quite obvious that there 
 is nothing in the world to which every man has a more 
 unassailable title than to his own life and person."

"Every nation ridicules other nations, and all are right".

"Just remember, once you're over the hill you begin to pick up speed."

"Martyrdom is the only way a man can become famous without ability."

"Change alone is eternal, perpetual, immortal."

"Politeness is to human nature what warmth is to wax."

       -- Arthur Schopenhauer (1788 - 1860)

"According to the best currently available information,
 the production of petroleum and natural gas on a world
 scale will probably pass its climax within the order of
 a half a century [2006], while for both the United States
 and for Texas, the peaks of production may be expected
 to occur within the next 10 or 15 years."

       -- King M. Hubbert, Wednesday, March 7, 1956
          The peak oil production of the USA was in 1970

"People think that epilepsy is divine simply because 
 they don't have any idea what causes epilepsy. 
 But I believe that someday we will understand what 
 causes epilepsy, and at that moment, we will cease 
 to believe that it's divine. 
 And so it is with everything in the universe."

       -- Hippocrates
"One of the greatest gifts science has brought to the
 world is continuing elimination of the supernatural."

       -- James D. Watson, Nobel laureate, co-discoverer 
          of the molecular structure of DNA
"Although it is said that faith can move mountains, 
 experience shows that dynamite works better." 

       -- Unknown
"The church says the earth is flat, but I know 
 that it is round, for I have seen the shadow 
 on the moon, and I have more faith in a shadow 
 than in the church." 

       -- Ferdinand Magellan

"Because we do not know when we will die, we get to think of life as 
 an inexhaustible well. And yet everything happens only a certain 
 number of times, and a very small number really. How many more 
 times will you remember a certain afternoon of your childhood, 
 an afternoon that is so deeply a part of your being that you cannot 
 conceive of your life without it? Perhaps four, or five times more? 
 Perhaps not even that. How many more times will you watch the full 
 moon rise? Perhaps twenty. And yet it all seems limitless..."

       -- Paul Bowles, The Sheltering Sky 

"Wisdom only comes with age if you pay attention."

"Great wealth and mental illness mix poorly and often."

"If you do not begin, you cannot even begin to fail."

       -- Eric van Bezooijen :)

"He who controls the present, 
 controls the past. 
 He who controls the past, 
 controls the future."

"Political language is designed to make lies sound truthful 
 and murder respectable, and to give an appearance of 
 solidity to pure wind."

       -- George Orwell

"Anyone who believes exponential growth can go on forever in a finite world, 
 is either a madman or an economist." 

       -- Kenneth Boulding, Economics professor

"I contend we are both atheists, I just believe in one fewer god than you do. 
 When you understand why you dismiss all the other possible gods, 
 you will understand why I dismiss yours."

       -- Stephen F. Roberts (IMHO replacing the word "atheist" with
          "unbeliever" makes more sense but the quote works well either
"I've had people say to me, look at the sky, the fields, the ocean, 
 the beautiful sunset. Isn't that proof positive of God? I reply, 
 'Following that line of thought, look at the magnificent rainbows 
  after a big rainstorm. Isn't that proof positive that God is gay?'"

       -- Ray Romano (1927-2002), in a letter to Positive Atheism 
          (October 27, 1998)

"The most common of all follies is to believe passionately in the 
 palpably not true. It is the chief occupation of mankind."

"Immorality: The morality of those who are having a better time."

"Men become civilized, not in proportion to their willingness to believe, but in proportion to their readiness to doubt."

       -- Henry Louis Mencken (1880-1956)

"The fact that a believer is happier than a skeptic is no more to the point 
 than the fact that a drunken man is happier than a sober one."

       -- George Bernard Shaw 

"The foolish reject what they see and not what they think; 
 the wise reject what they think and not what they see."

       -- Huang Po

"Well-makers lead the water (wherever they like) ; 
 fletchers bend the arrow ; 
 carpenters bend a log of wood ; 
 wise people fashion themselves."

"Do not believe in anything simply because you have heard it. 
 Do not believe in anything simply because it is spoken and rumored by many.
 Do not believe in anything simply because it is found written in your 
 religious books. Do not believe in anything merely on the authority of 
 your teachers and elders. Do not believe in traditions because they have 
 been handed down for many generations. But after observation and analysis, 
 when you find that anything agrees with reason and is conducive 
 to the good and benefit of one and all, then accept it and live up to it."

       -- Siddhartha Gautama Buddha : Indian mystic, 
          founder of Buddhism (563 - 483 BC)

"Not knowing is much more interesting than believing 
 an answer which might be wrong." 

       -- Richard Feynman

"Politics is the art of choosing between the disastrous and the unpalatable."

      -- John Kenneth Galbraith

"If men could get pregnant, abortion would be a sacrament." 

       -- Florynce Kennedy (February 11, 1916 - December 22, 2000)

"'It cannot happen here' is always wrong. A dictatorship can happen anywhere."

       -- Karl Popper

"Unlimited tolerance must lead to the disappearance of tolerance.
 If we extend unlimited tolerance even to those who are intolerant,
 if we are not prepared to defend a tolerant society against the
 onslaught of the intolerant, then the tolerant will be destroyed,
 and tolerance with them."

-- Karl Popper (28 July 1902 - 17 September 1994)
   The Open Society and Its Enemies (1945)

"Freedom of speech doesn't protect speech that you like, 
 freedom of speech protects speech that you hate."

       -- Ron Jeremy

"It is enough that the people know there
 was an election. The people who cast the
 votes decide nothing. The people who 
 count the votes decide everything."

"Death solves all problems;
 No man, no problem."

"History has shown that there are no 
 invincible armies."

"In the Soviet Army, it takes more courage 
 to retreat than advance."

       -- attributed to Joseph Vissarionovich Stalin

"A democracy cannot exist as a permanent form of
 government. It can only exist until the voters
 discover that they can vote themselves money from the
 public treasure. From that moment on the majority
 always votes for the candidates promising the most
 money from the public treasury, with the result that a
 democracy always collapses over loose fiscal policy
 followed by a dictatorship."

       -- Alexander Tyler 
       (note: this quote is very likely fictitious)

"Americans can always be counted on to do the 
 right thing ... after they have exhausted all 
 other possibilities."

       --  Winston Churchill

"I was against gay marriage until I found out
 I didn't have to have one."

"Back in 2000, a Republican friend of mine 
 warned me that if I voted for Al Gore and 
 he won, the stock market would tank, we'd 
 lose millions of jobs, and our military 
 would be totally overstretched. You know what? 
 I did vote for Al Gore, he did win, and I'll 
 be damned if all those things didn't come true."

       -- James Carville

"To announce that there must be no criticism of the president,
 or that we are to stand by the president, right or wrong, 
 is not only unpatriotic and servile, but is morally treasonable 
 to the American public. Nothing but the truth should be spoken
 about him or any one else. But it is even more important to tell
 the truth, pleasant or unpleasant, about him than about any one 

       -- Theodore Roosevelt, May 7, 1918

"Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to
 stand by the President or any other public official save exactly
 to the degree in which he himself stands by the country. It is
 patriotic to support him insofar as he efficiently serves the
 country. It is unpatriotic not to oppose him to the exact extent 
 that by inefficiency or otherwise he fails in his duty to 
 stand by the country."

       -- attributed to Theodore Roosevelt, 1899?

"Why, of course, the people don't want war.  Why would some poor
 slob on a farm want to risk his life in a war when the best that
 he can get out of it is to come back to his farm in one piece.
 Naturally, the common people don't want war; neither in Russia 
 nor in England nor in America, nor for that matter in Germany. 
 That is understood. But, after all, it is the leaders of the 
 country who determine the policy and it is always a simple matter
 to drag the people along, whether it is a democracy or a fascist
 dictatorship or a Parliament or a Communist dictatorship ...
 Voice or no voice, the people can always be brought to the bidding
 of the leaders. That is easy. All you have to do is tell them they
 are being attacked and denounce the pacifists for lack of patriotism
 and exposing the country to danger. It works the same way in any country." 

        -- Hermann Goering, April 18, 1946

"A gaffe in Washington is when you say something that's true, 
 but nobody thinks you should have said it."

        -- Howard Dean, 2004?

"Honesty may not be the best policy, but it is worth trying 
 once in a while."

        -- Richard Nixon, in a meeting, 1970

"In a time of universal deceit, telling the truth becomes
 a revolutionary act."

        -- George Orwell

"Ignorance is an evil weed, which dictators may cultivate 
 among their dupes, but which no democracy can afford 
 among its citizens."

        -- W. H. Beveridge, 1944

"I never meant to say that the Conservatives are generally stupid.
 I meant to say that stupid people are generally Conservative. I
 believe that is so obviously and universally admitted a principle
 that I hardly think any gentleman will deny it."

        -- John Stuart Mill, 1866

"Peace, prosperity and a President smarter than his dog - 
 already [the Clinton years] seem a golden age by comparison."

        -- Arkansas Times

"However, on religious issues there can be little or no compromise. 
 There is no position on which people are so immovable as their 
 religious beliefs. There is no more powerful ally one can claim 
 in a debate than Jesus Christ, or God, or Allah, or whatever one 
 calls this supreme being. But like any powerful weapon, the use 
 of God's name on one's behalf should be used sparingly. The 
 religious factions that are growing throughout our land are not 
 using their religious clout with wisdom. They are trying to 
 force government leaders into following their position 100 percent. 
 If you disagree with these religious groups on a particular 
 moral issue, they complain, they threaten you with a loss of 
 money or votes or both. I'm frankly sick and tired of the political 
 preachers across this country telling me as a citizen that if I 
 want to be a moral person, I must believe in 'A,' 'B,' 'C,' and 'D.' 
 Just who do they think they are? And from where do they presume 
 to claim the right to dictate their moral beliefs to me? And I am 
 even more angry as a legislator who must endure the threats of 
 every religious group who thinks it has some God-granted right to 
 control my vote on every roll call in the Senate. I am warning 
 them today: I will fight them every step of the way if they try 
 to dictate their moral convictions to all Americans in the name 
 of 'conservatism.'"

"The conservative movement is successful despite the 'crackpots 
 and nuts' on the religious right. I know them all. I've said 
 Jerry Falwell should be kicked in the ass, and I meant it. He 
 has a big one. You can't miss it."

    -- Sen. Barry Goldwater (R)

"Should any political party attempt to abolish social security,
 unemployment insurance, and eliminate labor laws and farm programs,
 you would not hear of that party again in our political history. 
 There is a tiny splinter group, of course, that believes you can 
 do these things. Among them are H. L. Hunt (you possibly know 
 his background), a few other Texas oil millionaires, and an 
 occasional politician or business man from other areas. Their 
 number is negligible and they are stupid."

    -- President Dwight Eisenhower, 8 November 1954

"Every gun that is made, every warship launched, 
 every rocket fired signifies, in the final sense, 
 a theft from those who hunger and are not fed, 
 those who are cold and not clothed. This world in arms 
 is not spending money alone. It is spending the 
 sweat of its laborers, the genius of its scientists, 
 the hopes of its children. This is not a way of life at all 
 in any true sense. Under the cloud of threatening war, 
 it is humanity hanging from a cross of iron."

    -- President Dwight Eisenhower, 16 April 1953

"I distrust those people who know so well what God wants them to do,
 because I notice it always coincides with their own desires."

    -- Susan B. Anthony, 1896

"You can safely assume you've created God in your own image when
 it turns out that God hates all the same people you do."

    -- Anne Lamott

 "The Bible contains six admonishments to homosexuals and 
 362 admonishments to heterosexuals. That doesn't mean 
 that God doesn't love heterosexuals. It's just that they 
 need more supervision."

    -- Lynne Lavner

"Democrats are the party of government activism, the party that says 
 government can make you richer, smarter, taller and get the chickweed 
 out of your lawn. Republicans are the party that says government 
 doesn't work, and they get elected and prove it."

"The Democrats said, 'We don't know what's wrong with America, 
 but we can fix it.' The Republicans said, 'There's nothing wrong 
 with America, and we can fix that.'" 

    -- P.J. O'Rourke, Parliament of Whores

"The main problem in any democracy is that crowd-pleasers are generally 
 brainless swine who can go out on a stage & whup their supporters into 
 an orgiastic frenzy - then go back to the office & sell every one of the 
 poor bastards down the tube for a nickel apiece. Probably the rarest 
 form of life in American politics is the man who can turn on a crowd 
 & still keep his head straight - assuming it was straight in the 
 first place."

    -- Hunter S. Thompson, Fear and Loathing on the Campaign Trail '72

"If [President Barack] Obama walked on water, he'd [John Bolton] would say he 
 couldn't swim"

    -- Secretary of State Hillary Clinton

"If one morning I walked on top of the water across the Potomac River, 
 the headline that afternoon would read 'President Can't Swim'"

    -- Lyndon B. Johnson

"Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able? Then he is not omnipotent.
 Is he able, but not willing? Then he is malevolent.
 Is he both able and willing? Then whence cometh evil?
 Is he neither able nor willing? Then why call him God?"

    -- Epicurus 341 BC - 270 BC
"Yes, I do have proof that God does not exist.
 It is perfect and irrefutable.
 I'm not going to show it to you however.
 You cannot see it or detect it in any way.
 You cannot deduce it from the laws of logic either.
 You might claim that I do in fact have no such proof.
 But you have no proof that I don't.
 Sound familiar?"
    -- Rune Friborg, April 13, 2013 on www.reddit.com

"By definition, science does not attempt to explain the world by invoking 
 the supernatural. Invoking the supernatural can explain anything, 
 and hence explains nothing."

    -- Professor Gregory A. Clark, February 10, 2009

"At this season of the winter solstice may reason prevail. 
 There are no gods, no devils, no angels, no heaven or hell. 
 There is only our natural world. 
 Religion is but myth and superstition that 
 hardens hearts and enslaves minds."

    -- Sign displayed by an atheist group in the
       state capitol rotunda in Springfield, IL.
       It was quickly vandalized.

"Religion is an insult to human dignity.
 Without it you would have
 good people doing good things and
 evil people doing evil things.
 But for good people to do evil things,
 that takes religion."

    -- Steven Weinberg
       Nobel laureate, Physics
       1999 dialog with Sir John Polkingorne
"If you gave [Jerry] Falwell an enema, he could be buried in a matchbox."

    -- Christopher Hitchens

"If you have a faith, it is statistically overwhelmingly likely that it is 
 the same faith as your parents and grandparents had. No doubt soaring 
 cathedrals, stirring music, moving stories and parables, help a bit. 
 But by far the most important variable determining your religion is the 
 accident of birth. The convictions that you so passionately believe would 
 have been a completely different and largely contradictory set of 
 convictions, if only you had happened to be born in a different place. 
 Epidemiology, not evidence." 

    -- Richard Dawkins

"a God who could make good children as easily a bad, 
 yet preferred to make bad ones; 
 who could have made every one of them happy,
 yet never made a single happy one;
 who made them prize their bitter life, 
 yet stingily cut it short; 
 who gave his angels eternal happiness unearned,
 yet required his other children to earn it;
 who gave his angels painless lives, 
 yet cursed his other children with 
 biting miseries and maladies of mind and body;
 who mouths justice, and invented hell--
 mouths mercy, and invented hell--
 mouths Golden Rules and foregiveness multiplied by seventy times seven,
 and invented hell;
 who mouths morals to other people, and has none himself;
 who frowns upon crimes, yet commits them all;
 who created man without invitation,
 then tries to shuffle the responsibility for man's acts upon man,
 instead of honorably placing it where it belongs, upon himself;
 and finally, with altogether divine obtuseness,
 invites his poor abused slave to worship him!"

    -- Mark Twain, The Mysterious Stranger

"If something cannot go on forever, it will stop."

        -- Herb Stein, 1980s

"PROCRASTINATION: Hard work often pays off after time,
 but laziness always pays off now."
        -- http://www.despair.com

"When a fool is silent, he too is counted among the wise."

        -- Yiddish proverb

Epitaths & Death
"Such as thou art, so once was I.
 As I am now, so shalt thou be."

        -- Epitath for the eldest son of King Edward III.
           He died on June 8, 1376, aged 46.  Buried in
           Canterbury, England.

"Here lies the body of Daniel Gray, 
 he died maintaining his right-of-way.
 He was perfectly right as he sped along,
 but he is just as dead as if he'd been wrong."

        -- Proposed epitath found on the internet

"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter 
 saying that I approved of it."

        -- Mark Twain (1835 - 1910)